Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Nidderdale Show

I'm reliably informed, by the nice lady who sells scones et al in my favourite cafe in Pateley Bridge, that Nidderdale Show is the last show of the season.
I have always teased Jan about what I believe to be her deep rooted ambition to be a farmers wife and that suspicion was sort of confirmed when she insisted that we went to the show.
Pateley Bridge is one of my favourite places because we can buy scrummy pies (beef and onion is my favourite) and roast meat joints from Kendalls, stock up on sweeties from The Oldest Sweet Shop in Britain and get delicious scones from our favourite cafe. Culinary heaven, especially if you include the Sportsmans Arms just up the road and The Yorke Arms when you really want to push the boat out.
Anyway, the show is an old fashioned agricultural show with pigs, cows, sheep and goats, lots of stalls selling country clothing, food and and other good stuff. Parking was easy and it's an experience worth considering if you're into that kind of thing. Recommended.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

So what's the answer?

God said,
"Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said,
"Gladly, Lord, what do 
you want me to do?" 

God said,
"Go down into that valley."
Adam said,
"What's a valley?" 

God explained it to
Then God said,
"Cross the river."

Adam said,
"What's a river?"

God explained that
to him, and then said,
"Go over to the hill...."

Adam said,
"What is a hill?" 

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam,
the other side of the hill you will find a cave." 

Adam said, 
"What's a cave?"
After God explained,
He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." 

Adam said,
"What's a woman?

So God explained
that to him, too.
Then, God said,
"I want you to

Adam said,
"How do I do that?" 

God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."

And then, 

just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley,
across the river, and
over the hill, into the cave, and finds the

Then, in
about five minutes, he was back. 

God, his patience
wearing thin,
said angrily,
"What is it now?"

And Adam said....





"What's a headache?"

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


The parking arrangements in Weymouth are excellent. The system is simple. You park wherever you want, especially if it's in a prohibited place, and leave your car as long as you want. The parking authorities will then visit your car in a timely fashion and leave your ticket (approval to park) on your windscreen. A tad pricey but an excellent and efficient system.
With three adults all used to instant internet access through phones and tablets and somewhat inclement weather keeping us all indoors I headed out to try this parking arrangement in Weymouth and to find a phone shop where I could get a mobile wi-fi access point. These things are really useful, connecting to the internet via phone masts and allowing several different users to access the internet at the same time. Cool.
I can confirm the parking arrangement works well.

Monday, September 16, 2013

HMP The Verne

We're in Portland, Dorset for a first ever visit to this part of the world.
For some reason I imagined that Portland would be flat and boring, wrong, it's a huge lump of rock (Portland Stone) jutting out into the English channel where stone is quarried to this day.
Jan and I explored the island a bit this afternoon and were intrigued to see signs to a jail (The Verne) and the Jailhouse Café. The entrance to the café is accessed through the ancient fortifications that sit on top of the island and is very impressive if not a bit spooky. As we approached, a group poured out that had been celebrating a 70 years old birthday, and I could see that the café was closed but asked a kind looking man if I could look at the menu.
'Sure', he (Ben) said, 'come in.' 'We serve hot food at midday and close about 3.00pm.'
'Are you open in the evening?' I said.
'Nah,' he said, 'we have to be back in our cells by then.'
'Oh,' I said I didn't realise you were prisoners (trying to make him feel better). 'Yes, all the men you can see are prisoners, unfortunately not the women,' he said.
I laughed all the way back to the car. We will visit to show our support.

Saturday, September 14, 2013


So off we go for a not too sunny week in Dorset. This is our first ever trip to Dorset so we're looking forward to it. More about it later.
The weather doesn't look too promising with rain and strong wind forecast for Sunday. Still, I always have Billy Connolly's words imprinted on my mind when folks complain about the weather.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Monday, September 9, 2013

Where's my mojo?

As you've probably realised I've been suffering from a lack of inspiration for things to write recently. Our life is quite quiet at the moment and whilst I've drafted some stuff, in the cold light of the following day the ideas seemed tame and uninteresting, even to me, so I'm sorry and will try harder. In the meantime here's a supposed true story that tickled me.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'


'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'

'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'


'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'

'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'

Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'


'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'