A mystery

I was in a bit of a strange mood this morning so when Jan asked me what I wanted for breakfast I said, 'That nice seeded toast that you buy,' and, in quite a snide voice, 'some nice thick cut full blown marmalade.' Knowing full well that she prefers some thin cut rubbish from Tesco.
Well, blow me down, she took my breath away, she produced a small delicate looking jar, with a fancy velvet lid of beautiful looking marmalade. Exactly what I wanted.
Where the hell had that been hiding? Looking at the label produced even more intrigue. It was made by Le Manoir Aux'Quat Saisons, an establishment that not even in my heady expense account days could I have justified frequenting. 
So, when had she been there and with whom? And how come I didn't notice? When I questioned her all I got was a small smile with the comment, 'you wanted a thick cut marmalade and that's what you've got.'
The plot thickens.

Northern

Ground floor studio apartment

This story has been running for a while and is a testament to the eccentricities of Yorkshire men, in particular, and the English people as a whole. By way of background, the stray in Harrogate is 200 acres of grassland and trees surrounding the centre of Harrogate. Well done lads. Excellent.

Think differently

A different slant on a washing machine advert. I bet you think about a Samsung machine after seeing this.

This is what service is all about

We buy our dog food on-line and have it delivered. It comes in 15 Kg sacks and because delivery is free it makes it marginally more convenient to do it this way.
However, what is really special about this system is that it is delivered by a company called DPD, a company that I hadn't heard of before and that has really grasped the nettle of delivery issues to provide an outstanding service.
It all starts with the food vendors who tell you when the goods have been picked up and then give you a tracking number. Then, and this is the good bit, DPD send you an email quoting not only the name of the driver but also the day of delivery and a one hour time slot.
But it gets better. The email giving you the delivery details also allows you to make changes and specify delivery instructions, to neighbours or whatever, or change the date to something more convenient. How cool is all that.
I'm minded of our time in France when you never got the day of delivery, never mind the time, and frequently you received a phone call from the delivery driver asking to meet you somewhere in the middle of the village because he couldn't be bothered to find your property. All very quaint but not very inspiring. Well done DPD.

Brilliant

I just love this one. Watch full screen and turn up the sound.

A timely video

It's funny how these things work out. Usually, when I don't have too much to say, friends, with immaculate timing, send me YouTube clips. Here's one that's nice and gentle and will appeal to the lefties amongst you.

Let's hear it for Alan

This advert makes me laugh. Notice the look on his face at the end when he flicks the switch to launch the rocket. So funny.

Smart arse but funny

Food for thought

My missus bought a paperback
In Asda Saturday,
I had a look inside the bag
T’was "Fifty Shades of Grey"


Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed
An hour later, she appeared
Oh the sight filled me with dread.

In her hand she held a rope
The other, held a whip
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip.

Well forty years or so, ago,
I might have had a peek
But Doris hasn’t weathered well
She’s sixty-eight next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
Couldn’t be much grimmer
And things progressed from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer

She struggled back up to her feet,
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her

Now if you knew our Doris, see,
You’d know just why I cringed.
I’d been two months in traction, cos
My hips and knees unhinged.

She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit and
Jumping back in fright I went
And stood on her left tit.

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done ?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the OTHER one"

Well reader, I can tell no more
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion.

Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She’s head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore.

One hell of a statement

Look, I know that Depardieu is a bit of a crackpot but it's a sorry reflection on the present French government when an individual would rather be Russian than French.

Is it me?

I burst out laughing last night whilst watching a news item discussing the norovirus outbreak.
Has anyone ever noticed that when a disease or virus is discussed on television they always show a meaningless, pretty coloured blotch that you might think was an infants drawing? Google it to see a full range.

Flash Gordon

Because we are boring old gits we stayed in and watched a film last night. A film with an excellent plot, with excellent actors, excellent music and some excellent dialogue. It contains one of the best lines ever written.

"Flash, I love you but we only have 14 hours to save the world."

Happy New Year.